Monday, December 16, 2013

Using a Random Deepak Chopra Wisdom Generator to Predict the Last Two Dallas Cowboys Regular Season Games, 2013

If the Dallas Cowboys win their final two games, against NFC East rivals Philadelphia and Washington, they will win the division with a 9 -7 record.* They are currently 4 – 0 in the division, owning the first tiebreaker.

For all the ways they have found to lose in the 2013 season, for the ways they would most likely find to lose a Wild Card round playoff game, their 2013 campaign lurches up against these Stalingrads: a self-consuming, ectoplasm-owned, racist-denominated Washington team, and a rebounding (on average) Philly, lead by a QB-who-is-not-Vick and the Offense of the Future (Wait Until Next Year When You See It In Austin).

I used the first two quotes gurgitated by the Deepak Chopra Wisdom Generator as a more “quantumly-enabled” I Ching to predict the outcomes of these “win or go home” games—a category in which Tony Romo is statistically proven to be cursed.

Week 16, Sunday, Dec 22nd-- Dallas at Washington: "The unexplainable is the path to the doorway to silence"

This is clearly about Shanahan. OK, I choose to make it about him, and by making the choice, I have most likely created a new universe in which it is true.

Dallas 27, Washington 17

Dallas: 8 - 7, 5- 0 NFC East

Week 17, Sunday, Dec. 29th-- Philadelphia at Dallas: "The universe embraces subjective mortality" 

Woah, Deepak Chopra Wisdom Generator, just whoa. This is heavy, heavy stuff. Probably. I believe what you’re saying here is that Jerry Jones is going to come face-to-face with…nah, not going to happen. However, I do sense the thrust of your argument here.

Dallas 24 Philadelphia 21

Dallas wins the NFC East, 9 -7 overall, perfect 6 - 0 in the division.

How will they fare in the first playoff round? That's up to you, my friends. Cast your intention into the Universe.

*As I predicted before the season started

“Chopra Wisdom Generator”:

Wednesday, August 7, 2013


  1. People who want to have sex with you after a gig or because you're in a band might not (or might, but let's face it, usually not the best basis for a relationship) make the best girlfriends, but there's nothing wrong with letting someone consensually thank you for a good performance or song.
  2. Always carry extra 9 v batteries and 1/4” cords. And a flashlight. And duct tape. Be the person that has the spares, not the person needing them.
  3. Be kind to the soundbro/lady. They've probably heard hundreds of bands and are probably doing the best they can, often in less than ideal circumstances. Plus, they can put a goofy harmonizer on your voice if you're an asshole. If they are setting up the mics they will use to try to make you sound good with and you try to "get your guitar tone" in their ears, you deserve an ass whipping. And never say to the audience "how does it sound out there?." Ass whipping plus a punch in the back of the head.
  4. Those who tell you what religion they follow are almost never following the best teachings of that particular dogma.
  5. I'm far braver than I give myself credit for and at least twice as stupid as I think I am.
  6. If I learn how to be happy when I've got nothing, being happy when things are better should be easy.
  7. Taking out the some of the 3rds  from an arrangement or chord can reduce sludge by one-third. Removing 5ths can take out another 33% But sometimes, all that Thick can have a Purpose.
  8. Non-root bass lines can increase musical interestingness by a vast amount, and also make landing on the root or resolving there that much more powerful when you do. You don't have to be all Sir Paul or Bruce Thomas about it, but strive for variety, tension, release, and not always for the obvious and easy resolution.
  9. Needless ornamentation in art and music is a symptom of a decadent society. It requires luxury and exploitation to exult in it. Not all ornamentation is needless.
  10. I am a kind, moral, and ethical person. When not addicted to drugs.
  11. When I left the ranch at 17 to go to college, I had been the smartest kid in my tiny hometown. It was a long time before the idea of being around a group of people smarter than me became my idea of perfect company.
  12. The best and most fulfilling work I've ever done has been when pushed or pushing to work the hardest and think the longest.
  13. Sometimes leaving untidy edges is not only a good thing aesthetically but for my sanity, too.
  14. Put a little bit of milk, cream, or in a pinch, even less water in your eggs for perfect fluffy scrambled. Thanks mom, I miss you. And thanks for teaching me to read when I was two.
  15. Support the art of your friends, even when it feels like a chore sometimes.
  16. There is nothing in the world like a dad who'll drive two hours to see your band. Don't ever be embarrassed to have your family's support. I miss you too, dad.
  17. Sometimes art or music that I don't like has the most to teach me.
  18. That thing I missed because I didn't feel like going out that night? It might have been my last chance to do, see, or hear it.
  19. Failed systems of thought eventually become literature and as such can still be mined for great ideas.
  20. When people are rude, angry, jaded, cynical, or generally toxic, it's better for me not to react but rather to realize they might be hurting or afraid in some way.
  21. If someone you know was always a good person before and suddenly they seem to have gone all wrong, try to find out why and if they need help. It's not very likely their true nature has changed.
  22. Cherish and nurture your friendships. You may not know who your true friends are unless you have bad times, but you will then for sure. If you're lucky enough to never have bad times, then you've still got the entire spectrum of friendships you nurtured.
  23. If I'm in the middle of a revolution, I might not know it until after it's over.
  24. Everyone I know will be dust in 500 years. Love them now.
  25. If I mourn the past and worry about the future, I'm not present for my life. Contemplating the past or the future is a different matter.
  26. Every revolutionary idea is part of a dialectic, containing their own counter-revolutionary or reactionary seeds.
  27. Some ways of trying to be cool can kill you, but trying to be cool always ensures that you aren't.
  28. I tend to learn or get ideas either through “eureka!” moments or completely misinterpreting the ideas of others, or piling up knowledge like a snowplow in a Brooklyn winter until things become either clear or muddy in an interesting way. The discipline required by the latter method is often the harder row to hoe for me but can yield the best insights.
  29. The beautiful snow that makes the city clean in winter is still beautiful the next day.
  30. What I normally think of as 'reality' is not even close to what is Real if I truly look closely.
  31. Merely utilitarian public or civic architecture is a wasted opportunity; the truly ugly or oppressive is a kind of criminal act.
  32. My parents, who grew up in the First Great Depression, were right when they told me, “You can get used to anything.” That doesn't mean I have to accept mistreatment or dangerous circumstances. Or Muzak. Or get boiled slowly like a frog, for that matter.
  33. True beauty comes from within, but I can't feel guilty about having aesthetic preferences as long as I examine them to see what's evolutionary or culturally-determined bullshit vs. personal taste, and that's not always easy. My idea of 'beautiful' is pretty wide open, though.
  34. All pornography carries a heavy burden, and quite often a tax, of sadness and despair.
  35. Everyone jacks off in their own way. (apparently a Russian colloquialism, told me by a lovely Russian professor the one semester I tried it and only learned Cyrillic but not speaking it)
  36. People who are intoxicated to the point of stupidity are usually excruciating for me to be around if I'm not also intoxicated. It doesn't make me want to get fucked up, it makes me hurt for them.
  37. The things I don't like about other people are often things I need to examine about myself. Duh.
  38. I'm pretty good at picking equities when I put my mind to it and it's not my money on the line. For example, I have done massive due diligence on Inovia Pharmaceuticals and it is up over 140% since I picked it for a friend. INO is the symbol. They have the technology to cure 'uncurable' diseases. It's amazing. Ebola? They've got you covered. Not joking. You can thank me with 100 shares while it's still under 3 bucks/share. This item may have forward-looking statements and is not a guarantee of future success.
  39. I should never make a bet on sports when I'm a fan of one of the teams.
  40. Selfless acts without intention of reward are ideal but small acts of kindness done for any reason can reverberate with great power. Which is probably something Deepak Chopra has said but what the hell he's gotta be right once or twice a decade, yeah?
  41. When it comes to thinking about art qua art, ad hominem criticisms are worse than useless, they are noise.
  42. Correlation is not causation, except when it is.
  43. Microsoft should be charged with crimes against humanity for the millions of man-hours lost to horrible operating systems and designs.
  44. When mixing music, be in a great room with a killer board and engineer: then, if you truly listen deeply, the music will “tell you” every move you need to make.
  45. “Prosumer” monitors with bass ports are a huge waste of your money.
  46. I have to think of music both vertically (harmonically) and horizontally (structure, time). Varying tensions/dynamics/structures/durations/tones/power/calm etc. This is probably obvious to other people.
  47. All binaries are false binaries.
  48. I've probably never met a significant other until I was completely happy being alone with myself.
  49. The alphas in any group may be where the “action” is, but often not where the really interesting things happen. Listen to the 'quiet' ones, too.
  50. I have the High-Pitched Southern Male Variant Voice which means: please don't make me yell, it will be unseemly for both of us.
  51. Words matter and so do their meaning; learn what they really mean and use them accordingly or at least use them to play with the language while properly armed. They also have power, though sadly it's fading quickly because too many don't think about what they do mean.
  52. Solipsism is not only ignorance, but can be lethal.
  53. Editors value on-time and to-length far more than they do perfect copy.
  54. Because I often find great humor in things that aren't “funny,” people could already have a hard enough time knowing when I was joking sometimes, then came the internet and made it even worse. It might help if you know that whenever Kafka read his stories aloud, he thought they were hilarious. Because they are.
  55. Taste is valid for a radius of one brain. Whenever I read or write criticism, I try to keep this in mind.
  56. A critic with whom you consistently disagree with can be just as valuable as one you agree with. It's the wishy-washy kind without discernible and committed aesthetic criteria who are usually a waste of your time.
  57. Critics, or anyone for that matter, who can explain to you WHY they think something is good or bad or flawed but valuable instead of just asserting it to be so, are worth paying attention to. Tell me about the line, the modeling, the ideas, the production, the textures, the tones; bring some honor to the craft in writing about the arts.
  58. The game is rigged but in the long run, we can hope and live as if the design may have accidentally left autonomy for the players.
  59. Drunk drivers kill people-- and drive drunk far more often than they get caught; junkies usually just lie, steal, connive, and overdose, but the former are far more respectable to most people and get the most breaks in court.
  60. Don't use a recording studio as your practice room.
  61. I once smirked about the headliners not being hiphop or something when my fam the Jungle Brothers were touring with N'Sync and I've never forgotten Mike G's reply: “Aww man, it's ALL entertainment.” It's often useful to think about.
  62. I don't always try my best, but I can always try to be aware of when I haven't.
  63. Perhaps because I grew up in the country, when I'm living in a city I miss the stars and have to seek them out whenever possible. Without the sense of place I get from them, I run the risk of thinking I'm significant.
  64. The best way to experience the heavens without a telescope is to throw a mattress in the back of a pickup truck and drive to the middle of a pasture with someone you love and stay up all night together. When the arms of the galaxy rise, you'll know right where you are. Entheogens optional.
  65. No music I've ever done sounded as good as it did in my head, but the music in my head, no matter how grandiose, was what yielded the actual music and so was an utterly necessary step.
  66. Stage fright is usually a symptom of ego. Or knowing in my heart that I'm not properly prepared. Why am I doing this art again?
  67. There are also times when just putting yourself out there, on the stage, is the best. Let it blurt. And if you enjoy performing, show it; if you get power from the stage, share it.
  68. Any time I can get out of the frame of being white, male, American, my age, living when or where I live, any of the above and learn about other ways of living and seeing the world, I'm richer for it.
  69. Human beings are hairless apes, but “nature red in tooth in claw” is a distorted view of Darwinian Evolution perpetrated by Huxley and seized onto by Capitalism to justify everything that's wrong about it. Altruism or symbiosis are just as common, if not more, in nature.
  70. Until digital can sample everything about music that is psychoacousticallly and emotionally important, analog over digital, duh. But FAR more important is to get the ideas out of you and Out There. The work of art is NEVER completed until perceived by another, that's when it actually 'comes to life.'
  71. Music can be an honorable trade or grasping at success. I have a feeling the first approach works out better in the long term for both life and aesthetic success.
  72. “Reality” is largely a consensual hallucination, and much of what is fucked up about the world only needs enough people to stop believing it has to be that way because that's “just the way it is” or has always been.
  73. Pretty much everything beautiful or worthwhile that humanity has ever done has been by or because of  women.
  74. A large canvas is more likely to help a mediocre painting than excessive volume is to help a mediocre band.
  75. Trust your soundbro/lady; what choice do you have? Don't make them fight your stage volume to try to make you sound good.
  76. Listening to someone read a Powerpoint presentation that you're holding in your hand while it's also displayed behind them is a good simulation of the death of the soul, if such a thing existed.
  77. Standing near cymbals will ruin your hearing faster than loud amps but loud amps will ruin more frequencies.
  78. The best reason to play a cover is as a bridge from the familiar to your way of doing things, but sometimes a song is just so good you do it anyway.
  79. I have to constantly remind myself not to say “I can do that” because I want to help people and see them happy when I may not be able to do “that” in time or the way they need it done.
  80. I don't really know anything.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Yet Another Exercise In Excruciatingly Good Taste That You Will Most Likely Avoid

Though you probably should be there. To learn things. And stuff. And drink. And support local djs who eschew the charisma-free laptop zone. And who are so, so lovable, warm, fuzzy, and whatnot. And who do not participate in the Irish Music, Mod, or other revival Movements. And who are fully divested of South African equities. Fuck, let's face it: we are awesome. Please come and stare in awe, elbows crossed, at our magnificence. And humility.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Tom Landry Shrine

I've started trying, when I've gotten enough sleep to wake up before it gets hot, to take a thirty minute walk around the neighborhood. I listen to instrumentals of the songs I'm working on, walk, and smoke. It feels like exercise.

Two blocks away is the Texas State Cemetery, and in the area reserved for the leading heroes of our Republic, there among John Connally, some other dead white guys and one person I actually respect (Barbara Jordan), lies Tom Landry.

On opening day of this critical season, I visited the shrine.

Dallas 28, Cleveland 10. A tradition is born. (Let's take care of those silly penalties)

UPDATE: For the 3 people who read this and thought I was serious: please. I had no idea the guy was buried two blocks from my house. And Texas is a state, not a Republic.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Am I Hallucinating?

From the NYT:

Ms. Palin took the extraordinary step Tuesday of filing an ethics complaint against herself, making the matter fall within the bailiwick of the personnel board. Mr. Van Flein then asked the Legislature to drop its inquiry.

The three members of the personnel board are appointed by the governor and confirmed by the Legislature. The proceedings of the board are conducted in secret, in contrast with the public deliberations of the Legislature.

DJ Brodown at the Mohawk

Tuesday, September 16th at the Mohawk, down in the Red River Entertainment-Industrial Complex, me and Gerard C. will set the night on fire. GC will be fresh off his East Side residency at the Scoot Inn (another great show there on 9/12) and promises to "bring it" to the Mohawk no matter what the Mets may accomplish between now and then.

Personal message to Jessica S.

Yes, Jessica, those nights were special for me, too. But the regular season is upon us, and much as I admire your 'special talent show,' I just can't bring myself to add to Tony's distractions.

So until our boys wash out again this year, it's over. I promise I'll think of you from time to time, but please: leave me alone.